there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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