I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
