I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
