TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
