you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
