I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
