i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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