Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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