dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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