we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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