dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize