First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
