I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
