Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
