I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
