I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
