We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
