After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
