being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
