My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
