I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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