Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
