Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
