I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
