what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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