when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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