it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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