She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
