Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
