yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Fuck appropriateness.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
