If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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