Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
