his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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