nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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