Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
