I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were trust falling into bushes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
