Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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