She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
