Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
