quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and she was petting her beer can
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
