I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
