NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
