I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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