My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
