either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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