Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
