I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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