my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
