I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was like eating out sand paper
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
