Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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