Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
