quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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