He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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