I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
