Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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