Apparently you make a good broom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
be right there i have to get my cape
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
