saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
