At least make sure they are 18
Why
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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