She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
