I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
