I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
