Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my poor anus
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
