I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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