Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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