she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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