i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
