I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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