you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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