We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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