he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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