god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
