Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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