I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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